Archive for August, 2009

• Batteries Not Included: I wish

  

  DIE ALREADY!

  I hate this damn toy.  

  I really do.

   I think that people who give your kids annoying loud toys that never shut up are really people who hate you.  It is a some sort of passive aggressive revenge.  To be honest in my house I have a laundry list of annoying toys which, according to my theory, means that most of the people in my kids lives hate me. 

  I despise this stupid Hummer car the most though.  I think of all the toys that require batteries this one is the most annoying and obnoxious. Additionally, it is the most energy efficient which is ironic since it is a Hummer; this son of a bitch will not DIE.   The batteries seem to last forever and worse yet they are under a plate that has a philips head screw in it and of course in this house the philip head screwdriver is somewhere with the tape, scissors and glue sticks.  It also does not have an OFF switch.  Whoever gave my kid this toy REALLY REALLY hates me.

   

  

  Why have you forsaken me?

  The feeling is mutual bitch.  

  In fact if I could remember who gave us this device of torture I would return the fucking favor. Sadly, this is a toy that was given to Green once upon a time way back when and Wylde has since resurrected it.  Yes, the batteries still work and there is no Hummer death in sight. For three days now I have had to listen to annoying guitar music followed up with an engine revving and then “HUMMER H2 READY SET GO!!!” over and over and over and over….It has survived  the sandbox, rocks, juice and even the bathtub a few times.  It just won’t die.

  There is no volume control and of course it is set to FULL BLAST and currently it is Wylde’s favorite damn toy.  He squeals with delight over it and lets it chase him and he chases it and I want to jump off the nearest bridge.  He also is super into buttons right now and presses the music, talk and engine buttons until it pushes me to the brink of insanity. 

  So here is my quandary:  make it disappear and be a mean mom OR hope that someday the batteries in this bitch die (which they NEVER will!) and just suffer.

  Or I could just run and bash either the Hummer or my head in with a rock.

  ~RM1

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  2009.08.31 / 3 responses / Category: Daily Confession

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• Potty Training for Mom
• Of Course it Happens to Me
• Practicality is the Best Gift Ever
• It’s Not Easy Being Green

• Daily Confession
• Fat Day Fun
• Free Fun Friday
• Other Renegade Shit
• Pinchin' a Dooce- When the urge to purge strikes!
• Random Disasters
• Wednesday Hump Grub

• Checking the Electrical Box
• Dooce "Fans"
• Life's Crazy Joke
• Mommy Wants Vodka
• Mommy X
• Pajamas and Coffee
• Poop on Peeps
• Redneck Mommy
• Shindig
• The Bloggess

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