Renegade Rock ‘n Roll Diet

Chances are pretty good that if you live in California you’ve heard of AC/DShe, the all-girl tribute band to AC/DC. If you haven’t yet, I suggest you go to ACDShe.com right now, because I owe it to them (albeit somewhat indirectly) that I lost almost five pounds this week. You see last weekend, because of my rock ‘n roll lifestyle (we’re not just moms…), I was backstage with these “ladies” all night, drinking free beer, eating an amazing dinner served by the club to those of us with gold wrist bands and practicing the roach handshake, if you know what I mean. Talk about Renegade…

I guess it wasn’t such a huge coincidence that I brought the singer of my band along and she ended up knowing the drummer from their band. I mean, San Francisco is a small city, right? We’re all musicians and it was a just random coincidence, but it wasn’t why we were backstage. If I told you the real reason, I’d have to kill you. Just let it be a mystery and enjoy it. We did.

No, this isn't me.

We had a great time at the show, except for one thing; Herpes. Simplex. One. I should have listened to my mother when she said smoking pot was dangerous. Okay, I can’t honestly blame the free floating joint(s) for my four point cold sore outbreak but I’m going to anyway. I mean, who the hell gets FOUR cold sores at once and why the fuck did it happen to me just days after swapping saliva with strangers at a show? My damn mouth hurts so bad I can’t even laugh about how ricockulous I look. That picture is only half as disgusting as I am.

The good thing is I can barely eat. Since I’m completely broke, I busted out a bag of barley I found hidden in the back of the fridge and cooked it up fer supper. Only I can’t open my mouth to eat it so for the last two days I’ve been hiding out under a blanket with chopsticks and a bowl, eating barley grain by grain and never getting full. I seriously can’t get no satisfaction. (How I wish that were an AC/DC song… It would be so poetic, no?)

This Fat Day Fun has been brought to you by AC/DShe, Mary Jane, and Herpes. Go ahead, take that toke. You could be the loser of five pounds!

~RM2

P.S. RM2 apologizes for her missing sense of humor. Fried lips are a bitch and so is she.