Sorry Oprah, You Suck. Bye!

I refuse to believe that RM2 and I are the only ones on the planet that won’t miss Oprah.  

Twitter comfirms this fact.  

Thus I decided to give you:

The Top 10 Reasons Oprah Bugs The Shit Out of Me and I Won’t Miss Her Ass

1.  She subjected us all to Dr. Phil and then arranged for him to have his own fucking show.

2.  She subjected us all to Dr. Oz and then arranged for him to have his own fucking show.

3.  She subjected us all to Heather Armstrong and thank fucking god she didn’t give Miss Nutty her own fucking show (don’t get any ideas bitch!)

4.  Because she gave Phil his own show we had to endure Heather Armstrong AGAIN on his show. Yes, I blame YOU Oprah!

5.  She puts her narcissistic ass on the cover of her magazine every single month and I am subjected to it every time I’m in line at the store.

6. She puts some stupid diet on the cover of her magazine every month while I am trying to stand in line at the store and buy Pringles, Oreo’s and Ben & Jerry’s in fucking guilt free peace bitch!

7.  Gayle is irritating and she always has her on her damn show. Why? Who the fuck is Gayle and why does what she thinks matter? 

8.  I don’t like her lame “book club” and she has forced me to now be irritated by Maya Angelou (and I used to like her!)

9.  She has forced me to endure listening to my Dad’s insane therapist wife talk endlessly about how “yesterday on Oprah….” and send me recordings of Oprah shows she thinks I should have seen, and oh my god Dr. Fucking Phil….I have had to suffer the same torture with Dr. Phil and I hold YOU OPRAH personally responsible for making the last 23 years of my life HELL.  I have had to suffer through diet fads, book clubs and every other bullshit hypnosis you had that woman under and now you are leaving and I just might be free of the insanity!!!

10. Oh yeah, and she never gave me a car.  Where the fuck is MY car? I have been subjected to you every single day for 23 years and no car? Damn!

The truth is I will not only NOT miss Oprah I will be so glad when she is gone as long as her show isn’t replaced with The Heather Armstrong Show.  It would be just wrong to trade one narcissist for another.  Oh yeah and hey Oprah~ Can you take Dr. Phil with you? PLEASE!

~RM1