The Renegade Whisperer

Who the hell is this Dog Whisperer guy?  If I emailed him to come to my house and cure The Dog of eating shitty diapers do you think he would come?  My stepmom swears this guy is the second coming of Christ.  I You Tubed him and I don’t get it.  Yeah he cures these dogs of whining and barking but wouldn’t a good “Shut the Fuck Up Fido!!!” do the same thing?  

I could not find one clip of him curing a dog of doing something disgusting.  All of it was dogs with “anxiety” which I think is code for fucking spoiled (yeah Renegade Grandma I am talking about your pooch and you know he is!) or dogs who just run amuck because no one told their asses “No!”

I want to see an episode of this Dog Genius curing my dog of eating shitty baby diapers or cure my mom’s dog of eating my underwear.  Can we see a clip with a hidden camera showing The Dog stealing and eating an ENTIRE raw chicken and then shitting it back out all over my carpet?  Maybe a clip of The Dog at Grandma’s house eating the entire bottle of fish oil and then leaking oily shit out of her butt on Renegade Grandma’s carpet? Maybe get her off the eating tampons and pads habit? How about an episode of her breaking into the laundry room at night while we are asleep to feast on an entire diaper pail of baby poo? Then there is my personal favorite habit of sneaking into Princess’ bathroom to eat kitten shit out of the litter box and then coming in the living room with cat litter stuck to her nose (like we won’t notice!)  Now if he can cure my damn dog of these offenses than I will buy into him being the Doggie Jesus.  Otherwise, I think he is a fraud and I think when the cameras are off he just tells these obnoxious canines to shut the hell up and cut that shit out.  Then he sends the bill for $5k.

I am so tired of waking up in the morning to a half eaten shitty diaper drug and stashed somewhere in the house.  The Dog has taken to scoring one and then hiding it for later. Let me tell you there is nothing more gross than finding an OLD shitty diaper hidden under a table or in a closet.  This morning I had to walk into a feast of shitty diapers strewn throughout my house in a trail leading to the laundry room. All this before coffee.

Screw a dog psychologist.  I need one for myself to help me figure out WHY I love this damn dog so much? Do I have some suppressed childhood memory of not getting enough hugs or something? See, that is the sad part of this whole situation with The Dog, I just love her so damn much and there is no logical reason why.  She is disgusting and I just adore her.  I need help. It’s official.  Feel free to have me committed anytime okay? Please.

~RM1