Marley, Green and a Lame Mom

STOP!

Movie Spoiler in this post!

If you don’t want to know the end of Marley and Me then stop reading now.

If you want to know how lame I am more than you care about the ending of this flick then keep reading.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks over here in Renegade Land for Mr. Green.  He has dealt with a bunch of crap and so as him mom it’s my job to cheer my little guy up by over-indulging him and catering to his every whim.  He has eaten every Pop Tart and donut on the market, had candy for snack and lots of hugs.  We have looked the other way (most of the time) when he tortures his sister, mostly because tormenting her gives him such joy.  She has been pretty cool too and let him get away with little brother murder, she even let him in her room. 

Today was no exception.  After two days in row of meetings with his teacher, principal, teacher who shows dead bodies and the school shrink I thought today would be a perfect day to snuggle him up with a movie.  I loaded the Netflix queue up with nothing but Green movies and today one of them arrived: Marley & Me.  I saw the commercials for this cute little movie about a dog that tears shit up and I thought he might like that since he lives with a dog that tears shit up.  He thinks it’s pretty funny when The Dog gets into shit so this movie looked right up his ally. 

He wanted to watch it in his room snuggled up in his bed to stay warm.  I told him he could and I made him a little snack of jellybeans and set him all up in his own little movie theater.  I went back into the living room to do some writing and bask in the glory of having ripped his school a whole new asshole.  I was relieved that I, the world’s most amazing mom, managed to somehow start to bring his little world back to an almost  happy place.  Yes, I am an amazing Renegade and I am able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… until I land smack on my ass… which I did aproximately 90 minutes later when Green emerged from his room to say his movie was over.  The conversation went like this:

Green: I finished my movie mama. 

RM1: Oh good sweetie! Did you like it? Was the dog funny?

Green: Yeah.  Until the dog died at the end.

Rm1:  *silence* *crickets* *awkward horrible mom moment*  Oh. He did? ummmm… Oh… well….Do you want some ice cream? with chocolate chips?

This is where I commenced to stuffing my kid with all the ice cream he could eat with the hope that it would erase the last hour.

So there it is in all it’s lame ass glory.  Here I sit before you all in shame. I am the mom who just spent the last two days at her kid’s school ripping them a new ass and saying things like:

“I can’t believe you would show children something without seeing it yourself first to screen it!”

Yep that was me.  Now this is me, the mom who thought she was showing her kid a cute movie about a dog without reading up on it to make sure it had a happy fucking ending! I thought it was about a dog that eats a couch… and lives!  It didn’t help that ReneDad points out to me that right there on the disk slipcover it says  ”tear jerker” as if people REALLY read the slipcover.  Come one.  Okay fine, its the same synopsis in the Netflix queue that I obviously didn’t read.  The thing is I was totally going off the cute commercials I saw on TV (I know LAME) and had no clue that the damn dog dies.  I mean could I have picked a WORSE movie to get my kid to cheer him up when he is upset about death?  I don’t think so…okay maybe one other movie would be worse…. Sounder … but shit a dead dog is a dead dog to a little kid.  

So as the saying goes in Twitterville: #TotalMomFail

Yep, thats me #RenegadeMomFail  Sheesh! I really hope my kid survives me.

~Rm1