A Poopy Ode to Chicken Liver

So Chicken Liver over at Poop on Peeps wanted us to crap some Renegade Poo during her absence, back when her site was still up. Well, we suck.  We said yes, then we said we would do it over the weekend, but then we didn’t.  See what happened was….

RM1 had a bunch of snot and The Dog ate her homework and shit it out. Then RM2 came over to RM1’s office and couldn’t work because the cat peed on the futon and she ran screaming back to her house smelling like piss and diapers, her two least favorite things.  The next day…

RM2 really wanted to get away from her family and hide in the office across the street (RM1 washed the futon and hid the babies) and so the Renegades were holed in with two pints of Ben & Jerry’s, two really big spoons and fluffy stained PJ’s and were ready to dish some poop with you bitches. But then…

An ice cream induced coma set in and that was the end of that.

So now it’s almost Wednesday Thursday (a few weeks later) and she thinks we forgot. But we didn’t forget, we just really suck. And now she’s gone. So we’re going to shit out a lil Deviled Ham for one of our favorite bloggers ever, Ms. Chicken Liver herself, aka The Poop.

You know sometimes how you go to 7-11 in the middle of the night to get ice cream and you’re all pissed because you can’t find your favorite Ben & Jerry’s?  And then you move shit around and find a few good pints stashed in the back after your arm is nearly frozen off? Well that’s what we have learned in nine months of mom blogging.  Stashed behind the lame gallons of boring vanilla Dooce are the good pints of Half Baked, Phish Food, Karmel Sutra and Chicken Liver.  Why the hell would anyone buy a half gallon of vanilla when a Pint of Poop is right there?

In a cyber-world of  french vanilla “flavoring,” the RM’s wanted to blog with nuts. And whipped cream. Ohhh and cherries too. So we started our Confessions… a swirling, ribboned fresh confection heavy on the nutZ. Renegade Moms was birthed and we didn’t even need stitches. As much as we hated “mommy” bloggers, we forced ourselves to get out there and connect with other moms and bloggers to share our funny, sometimes lame and mostly normal lives with.  It was hard but we knew there MUST be other multi-colored frozen desserts out there. And we were right. CL was one of the first bitches we found and that led us to other cool peeps and piles of cherries. What we liked about Poop was she could smell bullshit and she called you out on it.  We had met someone that wasn’t a mommy blahging ass kisser.  She was another person who could think outside of the cardboard cylinder and wasn’t afraid to say it.

We admit we were cheap and would sleep with anyone who couldn’t stomach Dooce, but Poop was different. She left cab fare by the bed.

If you’ve gotten anything out of reading Poop we hope it’s this; Just because a blogger is famous, doesn’t mean they’re good.  We hope you stop limiting yourself to gallons and gallons of cheap vanilla ice cream.  Grab some creative flavors and live a little.  Life is too short for generic Pop Tarts.  There are some amazing bloggers out there and you’re missing them if you’re just gonna ass worship a famous lame wanna-be rebel renegade Queen Mommy.

CL, we want to thank you for being the blogging bullshit police, even though people said you  were just a big fat meany bully jealous hater. The truth is, you were are great and fun and we’ll always love you. Be fucking strange, but don’t be a stranger. And we better see your ass on Twitter. Bitch.

~The Renegade Moms